Updated: Oct 18, 2019
Let's start by saying that nobody is perfect, we all make mistakes and we all have moments where we struggle to either like ourselves or parts of ourselves. I think we can all agree to some degree that what holds us back most in life is the fear that we aren't good enough and that we have not been told we can do whatever we want. It isn't just a fear of failure it is also a fear of success.
When we entertain the voices in our head, slowly we start to give these thoughts all the power and allow it to dictate how we view ourselves. By doing this it can have detrimental effects not only on our psyche but it fuels our actions and emotions towards other people.
Self - love is the answer to becoming successful and working towards our goals. Self-love is the motivation that we need to try harder and better ourselves. We aren't changing because we don't like ourselves we are developing to become the best possible version of ourselves. It has been proven that self-love can help cure depression and anxiety.
What are we without self - love?
We are left in that confusing hole where we convince ourselves we aren't enough we may even hold onto the dream that "one day" someone will see value in our existence. But how can anyone else see value in us if we can't even see value in ourselves?
When you are constantly telling yourself that you can't a lot more than you can imagine is happening in the subconscious. Those words will come back to haunt you again (it sounds dramatic but that is the reality) the voice will wriggle its way into everything you think and do. You may have to do something and you think about it and say to yourself "I can do this" but the voice is in the background is saying "no you can't" and that's it you start listening to that voice because of all the times you couldn't, due to the times you failed. We end up way to emotionally invested and end up failing again.
It is safe to say that I am not a doctor but I do think that if we learn to love ourselves truly and unapologetically, we won't need to seek it from outside sources, and then end up feeling worse when our needs aren't being met.
People seek validation, not everyone knows how to grant themselves self-love and healthy acknowledgments. So we keep ourselves from becoming the narcissistic egomaniacs that the society will brand us as.
So how do we learn to love ourselves in a healthy way?
You need to learn to be okay with the person that you are and validate yourself. Practice this by looking in the mirror and instead of focusing on your flaws strip back the negative voices and tell yourself 3 things you love about yourself. Anytime the voices come to your head DO NOT listen to them. You are in control, you are the one with the power.
Remind yourself that you are a human being and you deserve the same kindness that you show to others. You deserve compliments showered onto you as you do the same for others.
Once you have stripped away the negative voice in your head (and you will, you have to be patient with yourself) neutrally examine yourself, find and focus on the good. What are your talents?
You need to understand that the brain is more powerful than you realise and changing how you see yourself slowly trains the brain to see you differently too. We are constantly changing with every new influence. Our brains truly never forget anything, we just lose the neural pathways to those memories because of disuse.
Don't be afraid to start slow, you will build momentum with practice.
Practice steps 1 and 2 in the mirror every day. It is vital that you reshape your vision of yourself. Your mental and emotional health is worth that effort. You are worth seeing yourself as worthwhile, you are beautiful and you are amazing!
Help someone else. By putting forward service you are breaking the self-destructive cycle, make it a habit to go out of your way for others. Ask or find what their needs are and fulfill them, not only are you attracting the same energy towards you with these actions but you will also be looking outside yourself and begin to understand that you are too a human being. Treating others how you would like to be treated changes yours and their perspective on life.
Even if at this present moment you are not getting the same treatment from others you are rewiring your brain to focus on building things up instead of tearing things down.
NEVER give into victimizing voices of self-doubt in your head. They are only there to hurt you and these voices do not serve you in any way, actively listening to them will only shape your mind and attitude in the opposite direction giving them the power they do not deserve. Taking control and rewiring your brain for positive thought gives YOU the power again!
Do things that are good for you, take care of yourself and practice self-care It is astonishing how much our moods are affected by lack of sleep or diet (hormones). Your health is a major factor in your happiness.
Immerse yourself into new projects. Do things you love to do and give yourself a purpose, not only does this put you in a good mood but it gives you the motivation to keep progressing. Take full advantage of hobbies and learning new skills these positive relationships with yourself will build up your self-esteem.
Find someone who loves you to keep in your corner. Sometimes we do need to hear another voice encouraging us to combat the negative and destructive voices in our head. Once you physically hear someone saying these positive things it makes you believe in yourself. Listen to the good and positive voices.
Self-love is so important because it begins with the root of who we are and it only spreads out from there.
What is your relationship like with yourself?